a comedy diary
Thursday
OMG Today a meat sausage patrol came to town. Luckily our guards finished them off, but they nearly got into the town centre!!! Where the other meat sausage was who is staying at my house. They could have got him! But he got back into my house before they spotted him. I had never seen a patrol before. Aaah I was pacing around near a gravy lake and fell in, there was a sea monster and it swallowed me whole! Wow inside I saw dead fish and a dragon eating a rotten cluster of mushroom slime whilst it breathed rancid earwax. To my horror it then ate the earwax and breathed a rotten potato instead! Then it ate it again and breathed blobs of gunk and ate it again, you get it. Luckily I was pooped out quickly and swam to the surface and found someone praying “Let there be peas in the world” wow how I ran to bed that night.
Friday
Some good news, nothing bad happened today except everything. We got 14 patrols that day, once even two at the same time! We used all our guards, but we just held them off. Wait. I know this is a bit sudden but I’ve had enough of this place. I’m going away. I got the knife and put it on the fork then lucky me I saw a patrol of meat sausages. “Come and get me” I said, I was on the edge of the knife and the meat sausage jumped on so I was sprung into the air, off the plate and over the house and into another. I bounced on three jellies and onto a rocky mountain spike ow that hurt I climbed off and walked on a Rocky road. I felt tired so I looked for a house. It wasn’t hard finding one; it was made out of chocolate with sprinkles stuck on it, there was a bed in there so I crashed out.
Saturday
Today was chaotic; three hundred and sixty two children came for a birthday party. There was nowhere to hide. I pretended to be a candle, on top of the cake, but then it all went horribly wrong! They tried to light me so I ran away as fast as my sausage legs could carry me and jumped into the first house I could see. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh there was a cheetah inside my house! I just ran, oh no oh no when is this cheetah going to stop?